http://www.babycenter.com/0_your-15-month-olds-physical-development-moving-forward_5172.bc
Today this website sent an email to tell me that Julius is 15 months old, that he is probably walking by now and might begin biting others kids. I did kind of laugh at the last one but the rest of it stung. I know a lot of people wonder— how we are doing? The short answer is we are doing ok. Some days are harder than others and some are excruciating but mostly there is a blanket of sad, its too quite and lonely over our daily experience even the moments of laughter and fun are tainted by absence. The weekends and evenings are especially hard. We see families frolic at the beach and I deeply long to be one of them. I am moved to pick up every crying child but cannot. My need to mother and parent is as strong as it should be for someone who has a toddling 15 month old but I am squashing back my need to chase and nurture, heal and hold. Instead I am marking a backward timeline of milestones that were not hit, things we did not buy and moments we will not remember.
Today this website sent an email to tell me that Julius is 15 months old, that he is probably walking by now and might begin biting others kids. I did kind of laugh at the last one but the rest of it stung. I know a lot of people wonder— how we are doing? The short answer is we are doing ok. Some days are harder than others and some are excruciating but mostly there is a blanket of sad, its too quite and lonely over our daily experience even the moments of laughter and fun are tainted by absence. The weekends and evenings are especially hard. We see families frolic at the beach and I deeply long to be one of them. I am moved to pick up every crying child but cannot. My need to mother and parent is as strong as it should be for someone who has a toddling 15 month old but I am squashing back my need to chase and nurture, heal and hold. Instead I am marking a backward timeline of milestones that were not hit, things we did not buy and moments we will not remember.
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